Why I suck, and why that is OK

So, as I said before, I only do this when I get bored, and I got bored while giving the C.A.T.S. test one day, so I wrote this. (Those from Kentucky already know that I basically had 3 hours of silence.) It only took me about a week to find time to type it . So here goes. This is why I suck.
I suck , because I have been given free will. Now I realize that the fact that I have free will is the only reason I can love god and love others, and it actually be meaningful. But, it also means that I have the power to screw up, and do it well, and do it often.
It makes God harder and harder to fathom each day. That is, that He knew from the beginning that it would be better to allow us to make mistakes rather than function as machines that always do what is expected. In order to let love into the world, He had to let evil in, as well, and thus give us the right to choose between them.
So why don't I? Why can't I choose between them? One minute I choose to love someone, and the next, to ignore them. First I choose good, then I decide that evil is much easier, or more convenient. Why can't I simply be bold and choose to follow one path? why do I allow myself to go back and forth so many times that I ge myself tied in more crazy knots than a 5 year old's shoe laces? James only hinted at our problem when he saidnthat out of our same mouths come both praises and cursing. In reality, they both come from our mind, and even more exist that we do not speak. In fact I am sure many are like me, and what is thought in their mind is often much worse than what actually proceeds out of their mouth.
How often is it better? How often do we have a nicer thought in our mind than what we say? For me it is almost never. I can't even think of a time unless I was intentionally trying to be harmful with my words. We are always so quick to let everyone know that we have something good to say, but we always hide our true feelings if they are bad.
Most of the time I know what the correct decision is if I will just think about it. So why do I do otherwise? Why do I argue with God when He has already given me the ability to know what is correct on my own? Why, even though He knows what is best for me, do I made it seem as if it is the wrong decision to choose the one He has set before me? And why do I not see the irony that arguing with Him is arguing against the very power that gave me the ability to argue at all? Why do I use this gift that God has so graciously given me against Him?
This makes grace all the more amazing. That a no good enemy of God like I am (at times) can still have the chance to have a personal relationship with Him. I am glad that my salvation is not up to me. If it were, I would have no chance. But while, indeed, my ability to talk and be with God is nto up to me, my ability to please Him is. That is where I need to work on my life, and stop taking His grace and forgiveness for granted. I need to give God at least a fraction of the pleasure He has already given me.

Jesus died for everyone..... EVERYONE

Jesus........
I was sitting and thinking and reflecting the other day, it was kind of a quiet time, I just hadn't intended for it to be one. So I was just entranced with Jesus dying on the cross, and how difficult a step it must have been for Him to take to actually go through with it. He prayed in the Garden at Gethsemane the night before that if there was another way.... God should use it. I'm thinking I might have had a similar response, except I'm sure mine would have seemed more like begging than I simple request. I know we all love to think of how much Jesus loves us, and that He expressed that love by going to the cross. Now I don't discount that Jesus loves us, but there was more to it than the Love that my Savior has for us. God's entire plan for saving the souls of this world was to be fulfilled through this one act. This was God's plan. And God is first and foremost about God, and second about our lives and His love for us. If we were first (above His righteousness and Holiness) His Character would not matter, and therefore He would not be any higher than us. So God is all about His plan.
Well I began to realize that since God was all about His plan, Jesus had to be as well. His own life depended on it. Jesus had lived a perfectly sinless life. He taught those He came into contact with all about righteousness and purity while being faced with the same temptations I am faced with, plus countless others. Yet He never faltered to those temptations. If He had not been tempted as we were, He would not have been worthy to be a sacrifice for us. So Jesus was sinless, because He had never gone against His Fathers desires. So if He had not gone to the cross and died for all of us, He in turn would have been committing a sin, because He was making a willful act, apart from God, on His own power. That means if Jesus had not gone to the cross, he would not have been on His way to Heaven and would have been cut off from fellowship with God. That is why I say Jesus died for everyone....EVERYONE..... even himself

getting a real blog

So I finally decided that I was going to not rely on myspace for this since many of my friends do not own a myspace account. And this is.... for lack of better terminology, a real blog. So here you will get my random thoughts.... mostly about God and how we relate to Him....... but maybe a few random entertaining things intermingled. My first posts will probably be some reposts of my myspace blogs, so if you have seen them, sorry this isn't new yet.... but eventually you might get some good stuff from me :)